Three Countries in One Day

On Friday, I went to three countries in one day. Liechtenstein (obviously), Switzerland (for shopping), and Austria (for socializing).

Each country is about 9 minutes from the house in one direction or another.

I went to Switzerland to get a half fare card, and that – like all errands that require filling out forms – was an adventure in sign language and google translate. At one point the man asked me “Werbung?” about thirty times and my brain broke because all I could think of was a time when I saw that word on a bicycle, but it is also on every mailbox. Anyway what he was asking me was whether I wanted to get informational marketing materials from the Swiss train company.

Then we went to Austria and got food, and it was at that time that I learned that Austria is a magical land where money isn’t real.

Since Austria is part of the EU and Switzerland/Liechtenstein aren’t, prices there are much cheaper. Three of us ate and drank for six hours for about the price of two cheeseburgers in Liechtenstein.

I’m exaggerating, but only a little bit.

Also, our waiter spoke perfect English but let us practice our horrible German. We asked for beer, alcohol free beer for me, the check, and thanked him for his patience.

On Saturday we went back to Austria to go to the hardware store on my never ending quest to find a way to hang up curtains (our apartment came with these little tracks above the windows, not curtain rods).

And the hardware store had a plant section and I went a little bit nuts (but again, if you know me, you won’t be surprised).

Of all the things, plants and pots are way less expensive here than they are in the US. I walked away with a money tree, a two foot tall monstera, a spider plant, and ceramic pots for everyone!

We also found cilantro seeds, which is exciting, because they are extremely rare here. Stay tuned to see if I can actually grow them.

Here’s a fun cultural difference I learned while trying to buy a dress in Austria: shopkeepers will literally just barge in on you while you are changing.

The lady had recommended a bunch of dresses that I didn’t like at all, but to be polite I tried a few of them on.

This was my first mistake.

She stood outside the curtain and kept asking me if they fit. I kept saying no. She said I should come out and show her. I said no thank you.

So she just let herself in.

Over and over and over.

Even when I was just in my underwear.

I did not purchase anything, and I am never going back there. Which is a shame, because she was the only person we interacted with yesterday who spoke English.

Then we got home and found the world’s biggest spider on the ceiling above my bed, so I began researching window screens. Nobody really uses them here so you can’t just get them – you need to buy netting and magnets and install the magnets around the window frame and then cut the netting to fit.

They are also, of course, expensive.

Apparently if you buy things in Austria, you can stop at customs at the border and get a receipt for your taxes, then you go back to Austria and get your money back.

I will not be doing that for some time because the idea of interacting with a customs official in German sounds like my actual nightmare. I cry way too easily to not look suspicious.

Tomorrow we start German lessons and I am very, very excited.

Most of my interactions with German speakers go like this:

I mentally rehearse what I’m going to say about twenty times. Then I say it. Then they answer me and I have no idea what it means. So I ask them to speak slower. Then you can hear that they switch from local German to standard German, because it goes from bouncy “doo-too-do” sounds to the “chhh-chhh-chh” sounds that we think of when we imagine what German sounds like.

But I still have no idea what they’re saying. So I smile, and say “I’m sorry,” and then I go in the direction that they point, or let them lead me somewhere, and then I give up and say “thank you so much for your patience” and they say “you’re welcome” and I leave the interaction none the wiser.

The interesting thing is how much our English has suffered, even though we have learned basically zero German so far.

Yesterday Derrick called the butcher shop the “meat house” and I called flamingos “Penguins.”

We were warned about this, but it’s still really incredible to try to say something in your native language – which you’ve spoken exclusively for thirty + years – and then the wrong thing comes out.

Tonight we’re going to Austria to watch a soccer game with an English person, and he asked us to bring chips which sent us into a bit of a panic because we don’t know if that means potato chips, tortilla chips, or French fries.